Things I Would Totally Make A Career Out Of, If I Could

-going to music festivals
-drinking beer
-speedy grocery shopping
-belittling the male gender
-eating bagels
-accidental racism
-making fun of anarchists
-referencing "arrested development"
-responding "oh MAN" to everything
-drinking coffee (minus employment, that pesky middle-man)
-writing terribly witty facebook statuses
-watching the entirety of television shows multiple times through
-occasionally writing music, but mostly...
-antagonizing over how i am not joni mitchell
-occasionally writing stories, but mostly...
-antagonizing over how i am not j.d. salinger
-wearing headbands/hats
-unprompted feminist rants
-losing important things
-parking outside the lines
-not ironing
-hitting parked cars
-pining after musicians who i do not, and probably will never, know
-worshiping tina fey
-pretending to be "learning the guitar"
-making elaborate life plans that involve some aspect of running away
-taking long, aimless drives for no reason
-being passive aggressive
-"joining the gym"
-not actually joining the gym
-being the official anti-bon iver spokeswoman
-also the anti-kindle spokeswoman
-having short limbs
-discussing a book with you that you have not read
-hyperbole
-dishing out spoilers, purposefully
-naps
-reading shakespeare in a mock-british accent
-not returning phone calls
-not listening to voicemails
-stationary dancing
-road rage
-basic rage
-general apathy (also a potential nickname)
-going "OHHHHH!" to really offensive things
-thumbs-ups
-being snarky
-awkwarding up any place, anywhere
-facebook stalking
-spending hours perusing the shelves at barnes and noble's
-and, finally, procrastinating.