Why Won’t You Listen?

So, for starters, I suck at stories, not really news to anyone I’m sure. I can’t tell them, I can’t retain them, I can’t dip them in yogurt and cover them with chocolate buttons the way Leah can. Out of all my impossibilities, this one bums me out the most, well, with whistling a close second.

There’s the clear problem of telling long-winded stories that go nowhere, but I think how I hear them is where I struggle the most. The reason for why a story was told always gets lost in translation; I sort of skip past the plot and just listen and watch the way someone says it. I have a small group of close friends, but they’ll all tell you how little they sometimes feel I actually know about them. They’re constantly repeating themselves, filling in fragmented stories with a sigh and saying, “Emily, I told you”. I get the frustration, I sort of wish we could all pick and choose how we process people. Then someone could write a handy dandy how-to book, and we could have book clubs where we all sit around and discuss our impeccable people skills over old fashioneds and icebox cookies...That sounds like a date I just went on.

Maybe there is no “right way,” but there’s definitely a right time for a specific way, which is when you’re still strangers. People want you to be attentive, to remember knitty-gritty details you can impress them by bringing back later. You have to prove you have some kind of character, that there’s care at your core and the basic knowledge of how you can express that in a pretty universal way. So, recalling some song you both like or the name of a preschool boyfriend is sweet. Telling someone you remember the one thought it took to get her gaze up from off the floor, or how he bit his bottom lip to keep from cracking a smile at something you said is less impressive. And there you go, I just made you an instant easy friend...or lost you one, sorry. 

I think most people write me off as spacey or absent-minded, it's like this switch you see go off when you sit with someone long enough, "Oh, you're one of those." But if I saw it, shouldn't that mean something? The ways we search for substance can be so obscure, yet we find ourselves disappointed when people do it differently. It frustrates me though that the norm is this nearsighted way of seeing any situation, that you’re an outright oddball if you look at it from any other angle. All of these nonsensical how to be human expectations are just completely wasted on me, also, I hate them.

It’s weird to think that I can be aware of other people in such a specific way, but in that same sense completely oblivious of myself. Especially when I’m just meeting you, having those first conversations usually about other friends and family, work, hobbies, etc. I know I give you really little to go on. It's because I can’t let go of thinking about you yet to focus on what will make me real in your eyes. I also just don’t really give a fuck, my game of getting to know you can be a little one sided that way.

Ideally, I’d love to live in the moment and let there be this perfect back and forth balance where everything’s fair and we both win...it just doesn’t happen. I have a setlist of stories I spew out that I at some point deemed adequate in defining what matters most to me. I find myself power talking my way through, skipping stops and only taking the turns I know I need to hit for it to make any kind of sense. Emotionless and to the point...some of the greatest stories I’ve said.

At least this goes away over time; I get a good idea of you and then ease off a little. I guess generally the more I like someone, the longer it takes. With my closest friends, I’m still learning more about them in any interaction we have, and I love that. It’s crazy to think how complex people can be, how understanding someone entirely is always out of reach. You just have to search to find the ones you keep coming back to, where your curiosity doesn't cut short.

One of my friends said, “I hate people in general, I love people in specific.” I can’t really think of a better way to put it. The world's full of specifics, some I know, others I have yet to meet, but they all have the potential to excite, challenge, and surprise me in ways I could never predict. If life ever gets you down, think this, think of people and possibilities, of everything you were ever unsure about just falling into place when you shake someone's hand.