11/26/13
There's a first.
Today, on November 26th, two days before the national day of giving thanks for all this beautiful life is we so luckily get to share in, a woman called me a "fucking cunt" in Hell's Kitchen. I had a busy and long day at work so already wasn't in the best of moods. I got off the subway and walked past this woman who had her umbrella in front of her face and was literally plowing through the people she passed. The frustrated, overworked, overtired version of myself is never a doll, so I admit, I could've just not said anything or been more polite. But, instead I decided to stand up for the other passerby's, making faces as they got rammed into. It looked a little something like this--"Umm, hey, do you wanna maybe look where you're going?" (sarcastically suggestive)
"GET ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET YOU FUCKING CUNT!" (the opposite of that)
Overkill? I think so.
Also, you don't own 8th ave, Shake Shack does, let's be real.
11/23/13
The Way We Do Wifi
An older couple comes up to me in Starbucks and the husband after clearing his throat softly says, "We're new to New York. How do we work the wifi here? Can you help us?" The wife then puts their macbook on my table and starts tapping at it, sighs when nothing happens and walks away. The husband and I exchange looks, and I push the power button...Looked like my parents, talked like my parents, made me momentarily actually miss my parents."So here's what I just can't understand--Once I go buy the book I want, how do I get it physically into the Kindle??" My mom smacks her hands together....Really, that's how they think it happens...
10/23/13
Don't Be a Crabby Cabbie.
A kind cabbie makes your day so much sweeter. I remember when I was running late to work one morning and had to grab a taxi. The old cabbie whose name I wish I could remember looked back at me and said, "You look like you're about to just go kaput, and the day hasn't even started!" He did this little head nod and kind of encouraging smile that I never see old people do, mostly because they're usually the ones getting instead of giving them. Then he sang me a bunch of songs from Annie, with a Billy Joel song (and a couple wrong turns) somewhere in the middle when he momentarily forgot what he was doing. It was all broken lyrics with ya-da-dee-da-da-dum's and lots of throat clearing and short mid-phrase pauses. When we got there, I was fumbling around for my credit card, sunken down in my seat trying to hide the fact that I was crying from laughing so hard but failing since I clearly couldn't see what I was doing through the tears. He said he hoped his singing hadn't made my day worse, and I gave him a head nod, one of those smiles, and a big ass tip :)http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kent-nerburn/cab-ride_b_1474147.html
09/19/13
Weeds.
I was looking around for an apartment and saw one that looked like pretty promising! Then, I google mapped it to see it was right next to the crack is wack playground...Yep, that's a thing.
09/07/13
Top of The Morning, Taren.
My first improv class was pretty memorable, in that I laughed a lot, made friends faster than I ever have before, rocked some scenes before I knew I could, and then had a concussion. So, a couple weeks later, I was at Lenox Hill Radiology sitting there twiddling my thumbs at the technician, thinking up some long winded stories that made more sense than the truth before finally just blurting out, "I slipped on a skittle and fell." Then we did the MRI, which to me sort of feels like pregnancy in reverse. You get shot up into this tube, then you hear a series of crazy banging sounds, high and low, that the more listen to, realize it could be a conversation, or the echo of someone pressing their ear or hand right against you. I remember thinking it was actually pretty soothing. I'm not the yoga or meditative type, constantly in headphones off in another world instead of giving my mind the r&r it apparently is pretty crazy about. That experience though forced me to just sit still and shut up. I'm pretty paranoid and somehow convinced myself that if I let my mind go off on the bizarre tangents it likes to go on normally, it'd show up on the scan, and I'd be flat out told I was crazy. So, I said, "Brain, tonight, we're gonna take two, okay? I'll be back later, with coffee, peanut butter, and plenty more mayhem, don't worry!" So that happened, and I actually thought it was a pretty painless process considering...until I got the bill, for a thousand dollars, that wasn't much fun. So, I did some extra babysitting to make up for it, last night in fact. I woke up for work at 5:30, was finished around 7, went straight to the babysitting job, and didn't get back till like 3 in the morning. The week had been absolutely crazy, I was completely exhausted, and just getting home, when a guy walked up to me and without anything else first just said, "So, wanna get high with me?". All I had the energy to say was, "uh-uh" and walk away. Somehow, despite all of this, I'm still playing make believe with grownups every Wednesday night at the PIT.08/13/13
Move It, Rosie!
I'm in the slowest moving elevator ever with two girls that are talking over each other in maybe Dutch? All the sudden they stop and one of them whispers to the other in English, "I love my tongue. It's so long and stretchy." And cue me breaking out into hysterical laughter (chesty, snorty, borderline weepy)....and then they stare me down for the next half hour/eternity till the doors finally open and I bolt. Happy Tuesday!07/15/13
O.T.T.
(A girl I went to high school with used to say this when something really big happened, sort of like Pheobe in the Magic School Bus, "At my old school, we never rode on bees...")
It's always such an extreme, New Yorkers are just outright rude or shockingly sweet, I love it.A guy ran up to me panting, "You dropped this...six blocks back...lost you...found you...bye!" It was a pen.
A man got on the subway and tried to sit in a seat with a coffee puddle that had a mysterious hair floating in it. The entire car screamed, "NOOOOOOOO!" The woman sitting next to the puddle actually reached over and grabbed the guys butt before it could hit the seat.
Then, after all that good, I got on a packed F train at 7 to go to work, and when I went to yawn, the guy next to me sneezed, in my mouth.
God it's great to be here.
12/10/13
"You Remind Me of My Mom...And I HATE My Mom!"
Mom: How are things
at the apartment, do you like your neighbors?
Me: Actually yeah,
they all seem surprisingly nice. I made one brownies, and she wrote me a sweet
note and added me on facebook. She asked me to go for a run with her, not sure
we’ll be best of friends...but she’s nice.
Mom: Good! I liked
that guy, you know, the one who always wears socks with sandals?
Me: You met him once,
how do you know he always does that?
Mom: Because people
who do that always do that.
Me: You’re
actually...no, no I’ve never seen him do that.
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