Bonaroo 2012, Part 1: I meet Doug Benson, slow dance with a fat guy, watch that guy from Mad Men shoot a baby with Garfunkle and Oates, and more

I know you've been waiting for it.

And now it's here.

Bonaroo 2012: A Report For Those to Lame to Go

Part 1a: The Roo Croo, Travels, Camp, and Neighbors 

I'll keep this section short, cause well, it's boring.

The Roo Croo this year fluctuated as it always does - at one point, we had about 8 in out Croo, but we eventually left with 3 - myself, my brother in law Deryl (back for his second tour despite having a 4 month old baby girl), and Deryl's former roomate, Phish head and music middle man Brad.

We left earlier this year, and had to detour to Greenwich to pick up Brad at his girlfriend's family's house.. er I mean estate. Seriously, this was the biggest house I have ever seen, and I stayed in mansions on tours. They had their own lake. As it, they owned a lake. The gated community had a Carlton-esque black man who would stop cars to ensure safety and that, I'm assuming, we didn't touch anything and get poor all over it. Deryl and I fantasized that our "buddy" (his words) was secretly an Omar-esque character with a real good hustle in which he had to superficially surrender his "blackness"as  Carlton from Fresh Prince figure. The ultimate culture-racial doorman rejected by his peers, superiors, and inferiors for simply doing a job.

Then we nearly hit a picket fence with the car. Apparently, rich people put white picket fence sections in the middle of the road to control car speeds rather than speed bumps like normal people.

The ride down was decent. It became clear that schedules were going to be interesting this time with 3 people - especially two involved in music as a career. Brad had seen lots of artist already because of his job at Red Light - his definites were Phish, Radiohead, RHCP, tUnE-yArDs, and Gary Clark Jr., and everything else was whatever happened happened #Lost. We fantasized about collaborations, who was in the Superjam, etc.

We got a PRIMO spot this year tent wise - we were as far up to the entrance as you can be in general camping. Like, a 3 minute walk to the stages. Wonderful. We also got camp set up quickly with 3 people.

Our neighbors were pretty cool - college kids from Texas U, all first timers save one. To our left, 1st timers who provided plenty of entertainment through their audible late night drug experimentations (more on that later on). Diagonally, a dealer couple from Chicago in their early twenties.

Poorly Laid Plans of Mice and Men

I obsess over my Roo schedule daily from the moment it's released. At Roo, I go into the performance areas at 11:30 or noon, and I stay there until 4-5 a.m. I do NOT go back to the site - that's blasphemy. 

So Thursday kind of screwed with me.

My original plan - explore the vendors, maybe catch Rollin' in the Hay at the Solar Stage, then do the following:
Dirty Guvnahs -> Cave Singers -> Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. -> White Denim -> Kendrick Lamar -> Alabama Shakes -> MiMosa -> Trapped in the Closet Sing A Long


Sticking with the group though, I ended up with this:

Fort Atlantic -> Rollin in the Hay -> Doug Benson Movie Interruption -> Mariachi El Bronx->White Denim -> Moon Taxi -> Kendrick Lamar -> Alabama Shakes -> Mardi Gras Parade -> Bobcat Goldthwait -> Trapped in the Closet Sing A Long

A List of Awesome Things I did Thursday

I met Doug Benson. First off, the guy is awesomely down to earth. However, he has Ron Jeremy like skin issues- as in his face constantly looks like a leather mask smiling. Maybe he just got out a lot this summer. He came out before the Movie Interruption (which featured him, Brian Posehn, Kyle Kinane, and Ali Wong interrupted the Sylvester Stallone written/directed/"acted" 2008 version of Rambo) and basically convinced the Roo workers to disobey the rules and let everybody in that they could, including standing people. It was pretty awesome. And yes, he did wreak of weed.

I decided to go to the R Kelly Trapped in the Closet Sing A Long early so I could make sure I had a seat. Bobcat Goldthwait was showing his movie he made with the guy who played Fred on Mad Men. The movie reminded me of American Beauty, if it had been directed by Quentin Tarantino and written by Kevin Smith. In the very first scene, they shoot a baby with a shotgun, and an "unproportionate amount" of blood and diaper gets sprayed out due to a gaff on the part of the FX guy (we later learned that). I sat right behind Garfunkel and Oates during the screening (mainly Miccucci, because Riki is SO FREAKIN TALL. They were pretty awesome. Later, the next week, they were on Doug Bensons I Love Movies podacast talking about the movie, and Riki said something about how she usually makes out with people during movies. Damn.

The R Kelly Trapped in the Closet Sing Along, put on by his manager, was one of the most fun things I did all weekend. They ran it a la Rocky Horror - everyone had props and everything ( I had a spatula for Rosy the nosy Neighbor's scenes). They ended up doing not only all 30 some odd chapters of Trapped in the Closet, but also all of R Kelly's greatest hit music videos. For "Bump'n'Grin", we were instructed to slow dance like 7th graders with whoever was to our left. I ended up slow dancing with a giant sweaty goateed guy in a Heat jersey. It was magical.

I also learned one of my favorite Bonnaroo slang terms ever (there's a lot) - it's a term to warn others of a potentially dangerous port o potyy situation - its a "Poopay Fiasco!!!"

Alabama Shakes led the Mardi Gras Parade this year along with the Soul Rebels. No Mr. T float this year, but the parade ended with Yelawolf handing out pizza, a surprise DJ set, and the Asian bistro throwing free food from a truck.

I missed Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.'s set to charge my cell phone (I was pissed I couldnt take picture - next year I am def. bringing a digital camera). I ended up talking to a girl form Seatlle for 45 minutes before The Lonley Forest went on. She was pretty cool, as were her friends. They gave me food for advice. Mad good kangaroo jerky,

Some Stuff About Music
 
Rollin' in the Hay wins funniest musical moment of Thursday - after a rollicking bluegrass kicking of some Sly and the Family Stone and Elegnor Rigby, they said they had received big news for their next venture - the people who put together those "horribly sad Sarah Mclachlon puppy commercials" called and asked them to write a song for their next set of commercials. They then launched into "Wet Hot Pussy". It was fantastic.

Moon Taxi was phenomenally kick ass. Their keyboard player is fantastic. I didn't realize they were so jammy. The portion of their set I saw really put White Denim to shame.

If Kendrick Lamar used that lasery "WEEEEEEAAAA-- PA SHEW SHEW SHEW!" effect one more time than he did, I'm pretty sure somebody was going to through a crowd surfer at him in the hopes of breaking his equipment. Lamar had one of the best freestyling lines of the fest though - "to the grave from the coochie"

Britney from Alabama Shakes is a powerful, moving voice. She is quite fantastic and should be seen by all of you live.

Mariachi El Bronx is a really fun band, but I'll have more on them tomorrow.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. are also worth checking out. I only caught a part of their set due to the aforementioned Seattle girl/phone charging trip, but they were rocking.


Tomorrow:A Day with Great Seats,  I Meet Flea, Black Star reunites, I learn what Orchestra players are better at taking acid, and get complimented for my funk (dancing, not smell).